My First Challenging Day, and Missing My Walk

January 8, 2010 at 4:14 am | Posted in Goal Progress, My Fascinating Mood | 2 Comments

I began Monday in the most delightful mood; among other things, I was thinking more clearly than I have in what seems like years. This feeling persisted until about midday, when I recklessly made acouple of calls to corporate 800 numbers. Naturally I went from buoyant to murderous in 15 minutes flat. That persisted until Tuesday afternoon, when I got a cool new work assignment; that flipped my mood back like a switch, and I have skipped around happily ever since.

It still amazes me how abruptly and completely my moods can change from hour to hour. Funny — I used to think this was unique to me, but I’m starting to think that the suddenness is more or less normal. I still do experience myself as having little control over myself when I’m feeling nasty. I came very close to slamming my fists down on my keyboard on Tuesday morning when a colleague whom I loathe persisted in IMing me with trivial carping. It really was all I could do to keep myself from banging out some ill-judged words. I wonder, though, if that isn’t also normal. Non-bipolar folks: feel free to chime in with comments. How often and dramatically do your moods change?

Anyway, Wednesday was the first day when I missed walking for 20 minutes. I think it’s excusable, though, since I was on the road from 5:30 a.m. to 8:45 p.m., and I was shaking with exhaustion and hunger when I walked in my front door. I’ll get back on track today.

Socially, things are going well enough. I arranged to have breakfast with the subcommittee I chair for my persons with disabilities association at work; those women delight me, and I’m very much looking forward to it. I still need to clean out my email in-box and pick up my voice mails, which got a bit out of control while I was away.

I am still committed to making this Perfect Mental Patient business work, but I have to admit that the initial rush of enthusiasm has already worn off — now I’m back to trying to act out of an academic knowledge that it’s in my best interest. I think my interest may pick up again after I go for this morning’s walk. I’ll keep you all posted.

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2 Comments »

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  1. I think that one of the reasons I workout and run now is so that I feel something. Besides doing art nothing seems to move me up or down the scale except for physical pain. So, exercise gives me a daily injection of feeling.

  2. Hi Jennifer,

    Monica told me of your blog a while ago. It’s lovely to be seeing you like this. I like you. Rather one-sided, huh. Ah, blogs. I suppose you must come to visit Monica some time; maybe I can like you in person again then.

    Rebecca Lee, violin playing friend of your sister


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